Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize