if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
