she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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