Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
