I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
it's like iHOP with fire
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
