new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
