I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
