You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
