why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
