ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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