i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
