atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
