i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
