maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
as a side note pls kill me
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
