is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
