so explain again why im purple
no
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
