Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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