So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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