I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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