It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
