Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
