i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
your room smells of hookers.
And success
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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