be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
