His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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