guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
