yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
