i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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