the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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