It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
