here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
