anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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