Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
