Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
