We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
