I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I had to cum in my sink.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
