I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
