you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
