When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Randomize
