i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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