wakey wakey hands off snakey
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
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