that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
