He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize