I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
