It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
