I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
