Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
