8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
