I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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