There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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