He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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