I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
pray to the hookup gods
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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