I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize