Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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