Having a random hookup so left but love u
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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