i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
