I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize