I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
