If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
