It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
