My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
