Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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