Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
should my penis look like a turkey
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
