peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
