So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
me + whiskey = a bad person
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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