The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
