I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
