I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
