I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
