So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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