Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
