Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
