he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
How does one acquire holy water?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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