People with herpes should wear stickers.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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