His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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