What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just want nice things and good sex
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
