If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
