i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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