There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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