If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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