Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
