If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
