My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
