So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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