If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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