We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
