I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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