they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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