I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
