It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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