Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
