Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
