well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
