South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
