Christians are straight up FREAKS
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
