We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
