He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
