are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
this beer tastes like vomit already
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
