I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
