Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
