In the future we'll all be gay
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I want to have your abortion
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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