I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
