So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
